One of the things I love about Craig is his relative lack of fear. I admire that. For a long time, I was bound by mine, and truthfully, so was he. His attitude changed the year before we met.
When Craig was 23, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had the operation first, and when that didn't work, he underwent chemotherapy. He says that he was never afraid of dying because he didn't believe it would happen (testicular cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer, with a recovery rate of well over 90%), but it did make him realize that he wasn't going to be around forever and to stop mucking about. So he started taking more risks. 10 months after being diagnosed, he was moving to the US for a new job, and then 7 months after that, the two of us met.
Craig's attitude that I admire so much mirrors one of my favorite quotes from Helen Keller. She said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It doesn't exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."
And I think they're right. There are certain inescapable truths we have to deal with on a daily basis just to survive, but outside of that, there is this whole wide world where anything can happen. You can either sit back and hide from it, and then wonder years down the road what the whole point of it all was, or you can embrace it as the adventure it can be.
This move to California for us is a huge step, daunting and overwhelming at times and utterly exciting when I think about all the possibilities on the other end of it. There's a chance it could backfire on us, but there's also the chance that it could open up a world of things I'd never considered before, and that excites me to no end. I've not had a quiet life. Even in my tiny hometown in mid-Michigan, things happened to me that opened doors other kids never got to see. Some of them happened out of sheer luck, but others occurred because I took a risk, because I tried something new, and with very few exceptions, there isn't one I'd go back and change. If anything, I'd go back and tell myself to take even more, because at one point in my life I allowed myself to be talked out of a lot of things because of someone else's fear.
Does that mean I'm not afraid? Hell no. I'm terrified. And there are plenty of times when that fear holds me back. There are also times, though, where I shove that fear aside and just go for it, and thank god those are happening more and more often these days. I can hold on to what security I need to for the sake of my children, but I also know that life is one big crapshoot, and I can't win anything if I'm not willing to at least play the game.
I don't want my life to be nothing. I *like* the daring adventure, though I may want to scream at it sometimes and run wildly in the opposite direction. So I take my chances, and pray that I don't get hurt too badly if I fail.
It's OK if I do, though. Because I have Craig, and my family, and my friends to help me get back up and brush me off. And I'll just try again. :)