Turns out I have strep. Yay.
The doctor was really nice, though he told me to my face I didn't look sick. He thought my throat didn't look like strep either, that it was seasonal and I just wasn't taking care of myself. When he came back in with the strep results, he said, "Well, it turns out I was wrong." I was still scolded about taking care of myself, but I'll start an antibiotic tonight and hopefully be feeling better soon.
At least this explains a lot from the past two weeks.