I believe in signs. I really do. I don’t think everything is a sign---certainly there are many events in the world that are just coincidences---but when circumstances scream out at me, I believe I need to listen.
So I am. And I’ve made some decisions, decisions designed to make me and my family happy in the long-run. Some people aren’t going to like them, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. This isn’t about them. This is about my needs, and those of my family.
My life has been in flux for a few months now. I’ve been streamlining certain aspects of it which has helped tremendously, but there were still items which eluded me, my desire to concentrate more of my time on original work, for instance. No matter how many things came up to tell me otherwise, though, I kept finding excuses to stay involved in the fandom, and with fanfic in particular. Then, Angel gets cancelled, and now, more than ever, my head is shouting at me that this is a sign.
I’d never been involved in a fandom before Buffy. I’m not looking to get involved in another one. Many of the other loves that seem to fascinate my friends list spark little in me (for example, I couldn’t sit through the first Lord of the Rings movie, let alone watch the two subsequent sequels), so frankly I view my interest in Buffy and Spuffy as an anomaly. A good anomaly and one for which I’m grateful, but an anomaly nonetheless. It’s given me a lot, and I’ve met some wonderful people in it, but it’s time for me to start cutting back.
I’ve already cleared out many of my memberships in other online communities/groups, not all of them but the ones that I got the least amount from. I now have only three bookmarked, and two of those are James-centric. I am unabashedly a James Marsters fan, so just because the show is likely over, it doesn’t mean I’m going to stop supporting his career. I’m not leaving LJ, though, because it’s one of the few ways I can keep connected with some of my family back in the US. I imagine, though, that the contents of my entries may change a bit.
For the foreseeable future, the Love’s Last Glimpse Awards will still be going on. I owe it to all the authors currently nominated to see this round out, and when weighing the amount of work running it actually involves, it is completely manageable (thank god for printers and the fact that reading can happen just about anywhere!). As long as the interest is there, LLGA will run.
Which leads me to my writing.
Over the past six months, I’ve had a growing number of indications that I need to concentrate on my original writing instead of my fanfic, and I’ve chosen to ignore most of them. I *love* writing fanfic, and I *love* writing Spuffy, but in the long run, it’s not going to give me what I ultimately want or need. I’ve spent the last two days weighing options, discussing possibilities with Craig, and just trying to get a handle on what I should be doing. Currently, I average 12,000 words a week on fanfic, and between the writing/correcting/uploading/announcing/r
I opted for compromise. A drastic one.
I am significantly cutting back on my updating. I’ve had no pattern to it up to this point; when a chapter was done, I posted it. I’m changing that to once a week, Wednesdays most likely, at which time I will post what has been readied that week. That may only be a single chapter or it might be more if I’m particularly worryfree (ha!) and prolific that week. Maybe after the move that might change. I don’t know. But I love Spuffy so much that leaving it entirely hurts.
That brings me to my current situation with Promise of Frost. Due to extenuating personal circumstances, Frost is going on hiatus as I’m not currently able to pay the attention to it that it deserves. I know there are a lot of people out there reading it, and for this, I am truly sorry that this route has to be taken. However, please believe that I would only do this if I felt the situation demanded it. I honestly hope to return to it as soon as I can, but when that will be, I don’t know.
With all that, I won’t be posting anything this week. In the absence of Frost, I will be moving to my Williamfic, which I thoroughly understand is not everyone’s cup of tea. I’m not interested in LJ politics, so if you want to unfriend me based on my choices, I will more than understand and not get upset. I’m expecting it, frankly, and it’s OK. :)
Generally speaking, I feel good about my decision. For the first time in a long time, I wrote absolutely no fanfic over the weekend, and instead spent three hours last night finally getting out the first ten pages of the screenplay that’s been inside my head forever. At that rate, a first draft of that will be done by the end of the month. It’s amazing how liberating that can feel.
Thank you to everyone for your words of support while I've been trying to think this through. They have been invaluable, and I'm grateful that you care enough to share them with me. :)