Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,

Merlin 4x03

I am not a trusting person. It takes a lot to earn my trust, because I've just been hurt too many times to give it away willy nilly.

Once I trust, however, I do so deeply. Completely. It's a huge flaw, I know. Because I'm inevitably hurt again, and that makes it harder to trust the next time. But once I trust, I totally invest myself emotionally. Trusting someone/thing is laying yourself completely open to it, no matter what.

That's how Joss was able to get to me so hard. That's how good writers and moviemakers can get to me so hard.

Going into today's episode, I didn't know exactly how much I trusted the show. I wouldn't have said a whole lot, because honestly, it's flawed. It skims over solutions, it sometimes ignores its own history.

But I'm gutted right now. I was unspoiled going into it, and watched the whole thing with a growing sense of dread until I was literally sick to my stomach halfway through. I spent most of the episode crying, and still keep wiping away tears. So apparently, I'm much more open to emotional manipulation by this show than I thought I was.

It's not even the fact that Uther had to die (eventually) that gets me. It's Arthur. It's what Arthur went through. It's that deep-seated knowledge that you'd cross a line you never thought you'd cross to help somebody who probably wouldn't thank you for it later. It's the terrible, awful, horrible knowledge of what Arthur has lost now, and how, and how much he's turned it onto himself.

There's Merlin's angst/blame, too, I suppose, to a much lesser extent. Because at the end of the day, at least Merlin knows the truth. Arthur doesn't even have that luxury.

Tell me again why I watch this damn show? Did Joss teach me nothing?!?
Tags: merlin

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