Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,

I'm in a mild crisis at the moment.

See, back in February, Alicia never got to have her birthday do because we were in such flux about flying to the UK for Nan's funeral. She decided after we got back that she wanted to do the Adventure Cat tour on SF bay, but with the spring weather so wet this year, it kept getting postponed until we decided to do when Craig's parents were here.

So now it's been booked for Thursday. And she has been begging me to go with them.

You might be thinking, "What's the problem with that?" Well, my big problem with that is my fear of boats. And water. And drowning. It's completely irrational - I recognize that - but I *really* don't want to do it.

Alicia *really* wants me to. Explaining to her how I've had nightmares since I was six about drowning means nothing to her. She keeps begging me to do it for her, explaining how safe it is, yadda yadda. It doesn't matter that Thursday is also my birthday and I shouldn't have to do anything I don't want to on that day, let alone something that makes my skin crawl just thinking about.

So I agreed to go. I'm trying to deal with it by reminding myself it's stupid to let my fears hold me back. When Alicia was born, I went out and took swimming lessons - even though at that point I couldn't even put my face in the water without having a panic attack - because I didn't want to transfer what I knew was an irrational fear to my kid. It worked. She's now a fish. And I can probably swim to save my life, but honestly, usually avoid going into water at all costs.

And now I'm going out on San Francisco Bay on something that's essentially two buoys and a net (yes, I know it's not really, Craig's got a cat so I know exactly how they're constructed, but that's what it seems like to me). Even though it's the last thing in the world I would ever choose to do on my birthday.

Fingers crossed I don't have too many panic attacks before Thursday comes around. :P
Tags: life
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