I have to confess, I cried.
It's been a while since I sat back and read one of my finished longer stories. I re-read A Soul to Seduce in prep of gearing back to work on it, but that's different. That's reading from a writer's perspective. With incomplete emotions because the story isn't finished. Reading Stone was like getting immersed all over again, because I have distance from the story.
It reminded me of something very, very important. Ultimately, I started writing fanfic - oh, so long ago - for one reason, and one reason only. I was in love with characters - the entire cast, not just Spike and Buffy - and I needed more of them. I needed an adventure to get lost in. I needed the resolution of a romance the show only hinted at. I needed it for myself, and it wasn't about feedback or a community or new friends or anything else, even though finding those things has been wonderful to say the least.
BtVS and AtS did one thing - they gave me joy. I think I got burned out on fanfic not just because I got further and further embroiled in original writing, but because I was overloaded with how much reading I did for LLGA when it was up. I don't know if people realized it, but I read each and every story that ever got nominated over there. At its height, that was over a hundred stories every two months. And I'll admit, I'm a picky reader. 80% of what I read, I would never recommend. But it was too much. I overloaded.
I read my very first fanfic (that wasn't written by me or a crit partner) in over a year this past spring - an AU Spangel story by

How good it made me feel. That's the reward. That's always the reward. If something I wrote can still make me tear up, I know I succeeded.
I know I can do it again.