I've always been the type of person who tries to see the best in everybody, excusing away bad behaviors, determined to see only the good. It explains why I spent 7 years with a man who was verbally abusive to me. It explains why to this day I have yet to confront my grandmother about the negative way she helped raise me. And it explains why I was so very much shaken by something to happened to me this morning.
I'm not going to go into particulars except to say that something negative happened this morning regarding my writing. I reacted poorly and posted a rather pathetic entry in my LJ as a result, but within minutes had already deleted because of the manipulative nature I thought it took (for those people who saw it, I'm sorry but thank you for your kind words). This has meant I've been unable to even look at my writing all day, instead focusing my energy on the good in my life and spending some quality time with my 2 kids. Unfortunately, this means I won't be able to get a chapter posted today, that the next chapter of Voices will be up tomorrow, and for that I apologize. And yes, I realize that I impose rather stringent standards for myself, but those are hard to break. :)
I don't like negativity. When I see people being purposely mean, or spiteful, or antagonistic, I get angry. It's one of the few things guaranteed to set me off. Why waste the energy? It just makes no sense. We have enough ill-will already in this world; to what end does contributing to it achieve? I understand that not everybody is going to get along. It's taken me 34 years to reach that understanding, but I've got it. It doesn't mean that I in any way understand why a grown adult would choose to direct bitterness at someone they don't know, denigrate a complete stranger for opting to have a different opinion, or attempt to spread their own bad feelings.
Not everyone is going to like my writing. I know that my stories can be considered too romantic/too schmoopy/too unrealistic. That's fine. I like it. It makes me feel good, and it does it without hurting anybody. I also know there are others out there who like it. That makes me feel even better, because then I know that I have brought a smile to someone's face, and I've done it in such a way that everybody wins.
I've rambled with this, I know. And I'll probably still have my rose-colored glasses on tomorrow when some more of the bad feelings have worn away. That's just me. Take it or leave it. :)