Bad news was that my grandmother died this afternoon.
Her health has been poor the past year or so, so it's not that it came as a huge shock to people. But apparently they were taking her in for dialysis, and she coded out. They couldn't revive her.
Just yesterday, Alicia and Alex were asking me about her. Because they've only met her once, and that was nearly 5 years ago.
I alternate from crying to just being dumbfounded. My relationship with my grandmother is complex to say the least, and the truth is, I haven't seen or talked to her since Alex was a baby. But she was a driving force for the first 2/3's of my life, one that has shaped me into who I am, both good and bad, and to consider that she's gone now...I'm really at a loss. I don't feel guilty. I started forgiving her for a lot of the bad things nearly a decade ago, and when I saw her 5 years ago and she told me how proud she was of me, it was easy to forgive for all the rest.
Maybe I do feel a little guilty.
I don't know when the funeral is. My baby sis is supposed to call me as soon as she knows anything, but Craig leaves for a business trip in 4 hours and isn't supposed to return until Wednesday. The one thing I know is that the funeral is going to be in Michigan. I would really like to be there. No, I need to be there. I'm just unsure how that's going to happen.
I have to get LLGA winners up yet tonight. And I'm supposed to be writing. The writing probably isn't going to happen. Not yet. Probably not until I get a chance to say good bye.