On the downside, I came back to the room and crashed after the signing. My nap was heavy, and while I really needed it, I woke up from a nightmare.
In the dream, I was picking Alicia up from a slumber birthday party. I walked in and the mother told me she was in the bathroom, so I went to go get her. I found her sitting on the toilet with her pants around her ankles. She looked like a stroke victim, with half of her features lax and swollen, and she was sluggish and mostly non-responsive to me. I helped her get up and dressed as my panic grew, and when the mother poked her head in, I asked her what had happened. She said nothing. I told her that this wasn't what Alicia should look like and then the mother said, "Oh, I just thought Alicia was a special needs child." I was furious and terrified, especially when I crouched in front of Alicia and asked her to recite the alphabet. She just looked at me with her big brown eyes, they swelled up with tears, and she shook her head that she couldn't do it. I scooped her into my arms, ran out of the room screaming for a doctor, and then woke up.
I was panicked and crying when I woke up. It was worse that Craig wasn't online and I couldn't find my phone. I IM'd Pepper and asked her to ring me so that I could track my phone down, and once I had it, I called Craig to make sure that Alicia was okay. She was, of course. She'd had a really good, exhausting day. But I talked to her for 10 minutes anyway, just to hear her voice.
I've been a tad emotional all night as a result. I miss my kids. And I know the dream was a result of feeling guilty about being gone so long, that I'm not there to look out for them, that I'm being selfish pursuing my writing like this. I know it's silly, but my stupid head does this.
The good thing is, I'll be home on Monday afternoon. And I plan on smothering my kids. At least until one of them does something that annoys me, lol. And thankfully, I'm not traveling again without them until July.