Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,

You know, I'm a loner at heart. I don't socialize easily; I'm the one who smiles on the edge of the room watching everybody else chat. I don't make friends readily, either, for much the same reason. I never know what to say, and I'm constantly on the alert for failing others. On a daily basis, when my schedule is normal, the only other people I speak to in person are Craig and my kids. With school back in session, I'll smile and exchange pleasantries with a couple other parents, but generally speaking, I'm the odd fish out. For the reasons above. When we socialize, it's with people from Craig's work, and even then, there is only one family I would call friends, people I'm comfortable enough to be myself with.

Online friends number slightly more, but I'll be honest. I've lost a fair few online friendships because of my poor ability to stay in contact to the degree people seem to want. And you know what? Generally speaking, I'm OK with that. I've never been a social bunny, I've never had a large circle of friends. I'm a loner and I know it.

It only gets to be a problem when I lose what little contact I have. Loners can be lonely, too. And the thing is, there's nothing I can do about it. Craig has to get this work done. The fact that he doesn't even have time to say more than I love you is eating at him, too. And the few regular online contacts I had have lives, too. Things change. That's life. It's understandable. And I hate being so dependent on what few contacts I have. I shouldn't be.

Gah. I'm just depressed and feeling utterly unwanted. Ignore me. I'm disabling comments because of that. I just needed to get this off my chest.

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