Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,
Eurydice
eurydice72

There won't be a chapter of Beg the Liquid Red today. Between real life and my current crisis of faith, I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate on getting it done.

You know, I know anything creative is purely subjective. Different strokes for different folks. This is an axiom that makes 100% sense to my logical mind. Not so much to my emotional side, though. I absolutely suck at rejection. I've spent most of my life in desperate need to please others. I completely hate that I can't please everybody all of the time and have made myself miserable more than once when I realize I can't do it. And yet, I keep on persevering.

The worst part about it is that the moment somebody says something negative about me or my creative endeavors, I forget anything good that has happened or been said prior. I am the first person to believe my own bad press. If somebody says something I wrote sucked, I believe them and I find it difficult to rally quickly from that. It's one reason why I've always been so reluctant to move beyond my small corner creativity-wise. Reviews are the death of me. Rejection from publishers/agents? Make me cry. It's one reason why I'm letting pepperlandgirl4 handle that with the book we wrote together. If it was up to me, I'd have given up after the first no.

Of course, it completely doesn't help to get a bad review while I'm pms-ing. The effects are so compounded it's not even funny.

So...yeah. No Beg today. I'm trying desperately to rally the spirit to work on it, but when I'm convinced that every word out of my head is 100% of the suck, it's hard.
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