December 14th, 2020

btvs - spike wish/need: elizalavelle

Where has all the time gone?

Today, my baby turned 19. NINETEEN, people. I remember when I was posting embarrassing stories here on LJ about him when he was a baby/toddler. And he's NINETEEN. I have not been coping with it well.

I know I've been incredibly fortunate this past year, though. He was supposed to go off to college in the fall, and I got to postpone my empty nest at least another year. I know I'm lucky about that. But damn it, I am not ready for Alex to be almost 20. I feel like he still needs me in so many ways - mostly because he lives in his own head like the absent-minded professor we've always teased him about being. I know he's smart. I have to trust that when he does leave next fall, we'll have done enough. But I'm still feeling old, much more so than any birthday has ever accomplished. And I know his birthday isn't about me, but when my house is so quiet (both kids have been studying for/taking finals all day), I'm stuck in my own head. Sometimes, that's a very dangerous place to be.

I want to rec another story from the Secret Santa exchange over at Elysian Fields - Once in a Lifetime by bewildered. It's a wonderfully mature take on S5, with terrific character voices. Spike and Buffy are both true to canon and just that little bit more that makes it possible for them to come together realistically. I just adored this.

Now to catch up on the meme...

Yesterday's question: What is something you’ve done that no one would expect of you?
People in real life tend to be a bit shocked if they discover that I've written millions of words of smut in almost every flavor under the sun. I tend to come across as very straight-laced or soccer mom-ish in person, at least until people get to know me better. Or I'm the quiet bookworm that they think doesn't know experiment or care about sex. People are stupid about appearances, lol.

Today's question: If 2021 could see you moving to another city, where would you go?
I wouldn't move in 2021 even if I could. I'm not going anywhere until the kids are done with college. We want to make sure they have someplace stable to come home to until they're out on their own in the real world.

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