September 21st, 2020

mood - one of those days (merlin): batgu

Bleh

I went and bought that ruffled sweater this morning, but other than that, today was a big pile of blah. The kids were busy, Craig was busy, and I was left stuck in my head for too many hours. I did manage to get 500 words written, so I guess that's a win of some sort, and I spent my afternoon cooking carnitas and a pork roast (because I accidentally got bone-in and didn't want to have to waste meat carving around the bone for the carnitas) which means tons of leftovers for the next few days. But my head is a mess with everything that's been going on, and I don't know how to snap out of it.

I told Craig and the kids not to be afraid to ask for anything they need from me for their mental health, but while I know they will give me the same gift, I have no idea what that would be. My first instinct is food. Ice cream. But that's only momentarily satisfying and I end up getting mad at myself for trying to medicate with food. I tried distracting myself with mindless games to get away from doomscrolling, but that only works for a while. I would read, but all of the books I'm in the middle of right now are at super-anxious moments, and it's only adding to mine. I'm not good company so I don't want to inflict myself on anyone, even if there was someone I could.

Which leaves me whingeing online. Sorry.