July 24th, 2020

mood - woe: crackers4jenn

(no subject)

I had a whole post written last night that I evidently forgot to hit post on. I found it in an open tab this afternoon when I got home from work. Thought about adding to it, but it was so chipper, I couldn't bring myself to do it. My head's in an awful place right now, mostly because of my lack of time and certain fandom conversations that I've seen/briefly participated in. I'm feeling very much like a worthless dinosaur these days, and that maybe I'd just be better off backing out of it all again entirely. It's funny how much more insecure I am now than I was when I first started writing fic eighteen years ago. Part of it's due to my age. I feel so old compared to the newbies in the fandom. And I don't get a lot of the humor they share at all. I've had to stop notifications on at least two different posts that started to really eat at me and make me sad.

Of course, that doesn't make my brain stop working it all over like a chewed-up bone.

It's a good thing I have other stuff to occupy myself this weekend. I will be useless when it comes to anything remotely fandomy/writing/fic stuff.