January 11th, 2017

eurydice - delilah: prophcygrl

Please be Friday

I want it to be 24 hours from now more than I've wanted anything ever. Because in 19 hours, my guitar recital starts and I would literally prefer to have open-heart surgery right now than have to do this recital. I'm not ready. I'm going to be sitting there, screwing up or not even playing because I've lost the rhythm, and there is very little I can do about it. I've been knocking myself out trying to learn what I'd been given, only to find out first on Monday that I was doing an additional solo near the end, and then today that I had the wrong chords for all the verses. So he gave me the music he gave EVERYBODY ELSE (but not me because I hadn't been to lessons since October), 24 hours before the recital with the intention that I'd be comfortable with it all by the time to perform rolls around.

Which I will not be.

I even begged Craig to call him and tell him to let me out of it in order to save our marriage because I was going crazy, lol. Which he refused, telling me, "You're the one who agreed to do this. How many times have I told you to say no to people?"

None of this helped by the fact that Aunt Flo decided to visit yesterday. The past thirty-six hours have been a muddle of agonizing pain, desires for crying jags, and complete lack of motivation, with real life happening all around it, including a board meeting tonight that meant I couldn't practice after my lesson this afternoon until 10pm tonight.


Craig is right, of course. But that doesn't change the fact that I would do anything--including trying to bribe the band teacher at the booster meeting tonight to get him to play for me--to get out of this recital tomorrow. This whole nightmare has even made me hate Hotel California. Which I have always loved.