August 25th, 2016

mood - wtf (percival): tunes84

I couldn't resist

I was too curious not to try the self-knowledge quiz when I kept seeing the result spring up around LJ, and then my results were not quite what I expected.


You have a strong sense of potential and an intense drive to accomplish difficult things. The core of this is your ability to hold together the big goals and the daily efforts. Where other people’s hopes collapse when they encounter the tedium of the journey, you keep coming back. Oddly, it is actually your ability to endure feeling unheroic that counts. You know the power of working away solidly on what’s in front of you.


You don’t set out to be different for its own sake; you are more easily guided by what interests and moves you. You are more concerned about what is right for you than about the pressure to fit in. In sex you are more aware than others of impulses which are not entirely conventional. You know the value of selective irresponsibility, of forgetting occasionally about being ‘good’.


One part of your character is anger in all its forms: frustration, outrage – and when anger is suppressed – bitterness, grumpiness, and bodily aches. Fundamentally, frustration comes from hope: you get upset because you expect your life will be more than a valley of tears. One way to deny aggression is to direct it inwards, as self-criticism. But you’re at your best when you acknowledge anger, and act it out clearly and in a focussed way, with honor.

So...I think ambition is spot on. I am highly ambitious. Always have been. I love succeeding at things other people fail at, and I tend to be pretty good at whatever I set my mind to.

Independence is mostly right, too.

It's that aggression one that stopped me when I saw it. My first reaction was, I worked that out a long time ago. But...maybe not. I know when I saw a therapist to deal with my MIL dying in 2012, the first time I'd ever lost someone close to me and I just wasn't dealing with my grief very well, some things came up about my parents that I had never verbalized before and frankly shocked me. I learned early on that showing anger resulted in too many negative responses--my father was abusive, my grandmother was abusive, I was chided for not being more of a grown-up when I was 9 and 10 years old because my mom needed me that way (note: my mom never said that those things to me; it was my grandmother who I saw more than my mom). I swallowed and suppressed a lot of anger. Then I hit that sentence about self-criticism, and oh boy, that's right on the money. I am my own worst critic. Always have been. And I constantly find myself coming up short.

So maybe I've internalized my aggressive tendencies in that respect. I can see that. Though I'd still like to think I'm not an aggressive person, lol.