April 2nd, 2010

eurydice james: pepperlandgirl4

Bad dreams

I dream vividly. Always have. And I remember them most of the time, which isn't always a good thing. The emotions feel real.

I just woke up. It's 5:30 am, and I was asleep for only about 4 hours. I was dreaming I was helping a cop catch a killer. It kept replaying, because each time, one of us would do something wrong and the cop and/or I would get killed. When that happened, the dream started over, like my objective was to catch the guy and stay alive. On the last pass, at a point where the cop usually got killed, I managed to change the dream enough to just get him injured and we ended up getting enough evidence to catch/stop the killer. It turned out it was a very disturbed adolescent boy. When I was confronted by him, anger tore through me and I darted forward and slammed him into the wall, screaming, "I hope you dream about all the people you killed, you asshole."

He looked at me with these huge sad eyes and said, in all solemnity, "When I dream, I'll dream about tomorrow." At that point, he went catatonic, and nobody could get him to respond to anything.

As he was being led away, his aunt - who had been his caretaker - came up to me and begged to know what he said. When I repeated it, her eyes welled up. I asked why. She told me then that every night before his mother had been killed a year earlier, those were the words she said to him when she tucked him in.

For whatever reason, I burst into tears.

I woke up then, crying. For that lost little boy. And I can't seem to stop.

Pepper and her sister are still asleep. I thought typing this all out would help. Put the dream in perspective.

I'm all stuffed up from crying. And I'm not ready/able to go to bed yet.
eurydice james: pepperlandgirl4

(no subject)

First off, thanks for the hugs regarding my last post. I ended up falling asleep again about 6:30 and slept for a couple more hours. No more dreams, thank goodness.

Second, please think good thoughts for my MIL. Her health hasn't been great for the last fifteen months. She started having problems when she was here for Christmas '09, with joint pain and swelling. It took nearly nine months after she got back to the UK to get her properly diagnosed, but treatment kept taking a back seat as they tried to get various things in line (like white blood cell counts). She started a chemo treatment a little while ago, but a couple weeks ago, one of her leg tendons snapped. She didn't get it treated right away because she didn't realize that was what had happened and she didn't want to interfere with her chemo. But she did, discovered what was wrong, and was waiting to get it treated.

Well, tonight, the other tendon snapped. My FIL took her to Casualty, and now we're waiting to find out what's going on. So any good thoughts would be well appreciated.

Third...okay, there's no third. I'm too tired to think of one, lol.