Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,

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Shades of Blue

I miss Craig. I've been bouncing back and forth about whether this makes me truly pathetic or truly lucky. On the one hand, it feels like I don't have a life, but on the other, I recognize that he's my absolute best friend in this world, has been for nearly 8 years, and that I'm so damn fortunate to have found him. Nobody gets me the way he does. Nobody can see through me as clearly as he does. Nobody demands so little of me and gives me so much as he does. With Craig, there is not one thing I have to pretend because I know that it doesn't matter to him. He loves me for all my faults, and he has never once seriously tried to change me to fit some mold he has in mind (although yes, I do know that he most likely wishes I had a bit more willpower in certain things, but he doesn't do anything about it to make me feel bad so it doesn't count).

This is a man who takes pride in who I am. The first time he saw me on stage, he had these two little old ladies sitting next to him who apparently thought I was the funniest young thing (I played this very nervous secretary who gets taken hostage with her overbearing boss, and yes, I was the comic relief), so after the show, they had lingered in the lobby with him talking about everything (I swear, he will talk to absolutely anyone) and when I came out, they kept telling me how Craig kept telling everybody who would listen that I was his girlfriend. Kind of a "she's with me" thing. Nobody, and I mean nobody, had ever done that for me. Ever. My mom is the only other person who's ever given me that sort of unequivocal vote of confidence, but moms do that, right? Guys never did.

No matter what and for reasons I absolutely can't fathom, Craig finds me desirable. He always seems to notice the little things, and he always seems to take such pleasure in just *seeing* me, or just *touching* me. The passion he exhibited when we first started seeing each other hasn't faded in the slightest, which completely boggles my mind. I don't understand the reaction, but I'm ever so grateful for it. You have to love a man who can't keep his hands off you when you're 8 months pregnant and feel/look like a house. :)

He's not perfect. He works too much---though this is a fault that is so double-edged, it's not even funny. I'm the same way. He absolutely loves what he does for a living, and if I was doing what I really wanted to do, I don't doubt that I'd be doing the exact same thing. He works so hard because he cares so much, and that's a trait to be admired.

His easy-going manner can be a bad thing. In his desire for everyone to get along, combined with his ability to just be able to ignore certain things, he will allow certain things occur that shouldn't. Case in point, his mother.

I don't have a lot of friends. Mostly, by choice. I don't have Craig's gregarious nature, and I'm often content just spending time on my own. A lot of people don't get that, and I've had so-called friends who tried to change it by making themselves the center of my world. They didn't last long. They couldn't. They don't understand. Craig does. Craig's the same way. Craig claims few friends and many acquaintances. Ultimately, if either of us are given the chance to do something, we choose the other to do it with.

But it's not like we're in each other's laps all the time. We each have sections of our lives that the other knows about and supports, but doesn't participate in. Craig's a water person; he loves to swim and sail. I'm not. That doesn't mean I stopped him from buying his boat or from taking the kids out with him when he sails. It means we both understand that he has that and I have no interest in it. Just like my Buffy and con stuff. He's a fan of Buffy, very much so, and frankly, when we saw James Marsters live, he was a bigger fanboy than I was a fangirl, but he doesn't need the online stuff and he thinks he'd be bored by most of the con goings on. And that's OK. He has absolutely no qualms about me going to any of them (as long as my blurbs pay for them, lol), and in fact, sees them as an opportunity for me to have some quality time with people I normally wouldn't get the chance to see (ala psubrat, rockgoddes, and a whole score of others).

There was a post on enigmaticblues' LJ recently about why men may prefer Angel and Spike. I didn't respond to it, simply because by the time that I saw it, a lot of people had said what I would've contributed. Craig loves Spike. He thinks Angel is a tool. For him, it's because Spike isn't afraid of wearing his heart on his sleeve, and that he takes the risk, even if he thinks he's going to fall flat on his face. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Craig's a strong proponent of that belief. He dislikes Angel's habit of closing everyone out and getting mired in his own fear, plus he hates that he feels the need to lie. He appreciates Spike's honest, and identifies with Spike's need to at least try, and I think that might be one reason why I respond to the character as much as I do. I see a lot of similarities between the two. Plus, there's the accent. ;)

Craig gets home Saturday morning. His flight lands at 8:30, which means if all goes well with customs and the like, he could be home as early as 10am. It's going to be a long day for him; the time difference is massive, and it's very likely he'll need to take a nap around lunch in order to make it. When I told him I got a new blurb assignment, he specifically asked me to try and get it done before he got home so that I wasn't scrambling this weekend to meet my deadline. He wants us to be able to do stuff together without having that hanging over my head. As exhausted as he's going to be, he wants to see me, be with me, be with the kids. He's already taunting me about what he's bought for all of us, and talking about getting me to China so that I can see it for myself. He's thinking of me while he's gone. I can't think that thought without tearing up. God, I love this man so damn much.

I miss Craig. I want him home. I want to show him just how much he was missed while he was gone.

Lucky. That's what I am. And maybe just a little hormonal. ;)

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