November 12th, 2007

eurydice james: pepperlandgirl4

(no subject)

I'm sad. I had some free time this evening, in between other stuff, and I thought, "You know what I haven't done in a while? Written fanfic." So I went back to my last drabble request list where I was going to write ficlets based on prompts, and I stared at them for a good half hour, and...


So I tried looking at Soul to Seduce. Because I really should finish that. And I got the exact same reaction. This sense of, "Do I really want to bother? Do I care?" And it makes me sad because...I'm just not feeling the urge. I looked at the drabble requests more out of a sense of guilt than anything else, and I'm afraid that I just might not be obsessed enough anymore to be driven to write about these characters.

Which is not to say I don't love them. I do. Just maybe not enough to try and come up with something new to say. Because that's what fanfic has always been about to me. Putting my favorite characters into new situations, facing new demons, and coming out triumphant - and in love, most of the time. I could probably come up with a new long, plotty story with little effort, but I absolutely cannot commit to writing something like that. Not now. Which leaves ficlets, which in all honesty, are not and have never been my forte.

The only thing that sounds remotely like fun to me is something like we did with Wickedverse, but ohmigod, was that time-obsessive. I'd consider tagging with somebody - or Pepper, god, I'd do it with Pepper in a heartbeat - if I thought people might read it. But tagfic isn't everybody's cup of tea, and if Pepper and I tried doing something like that, it takes away from our other writing.

And I don't know. I'm talking in circles and not really saying anything. Except...I'm sad that I don't feel the compulsion anymore.