October 1st, 2004

eurydice james: pepperlandgirl4

Update

OK, here's the sitch.

I'm not leaving the fandom for at least the next 6 months. As I stated in my post regarding wanting to restructure my LJ, I have commitments that I've made that keep me within it for at least that long, and I'm not going to back out on those for anyone. I only stated how badly I'd wanted to, to emphasize how pushed to the edge I was with a certain group of people (who are going to remain anonymous; no way am I sinking to their level). I'm extremely grateful for all your support and concern.

That being said, I'm still weighing what I'm going to do. I'm of two minds currently---my inner Buffy who doesn't want to relinquish my power by allowing these people to change what I do, and my inner Willow who just wants to take away any ammo that these people can use against me so that I don't get hurt any more. Currently, inner Willow is sitting on inner Buffy. I'd love to be able to say I'm strong enough to just take it on the chin if this continues to happen, but I can't conclusively. I love this corner of this fandom; I've met some fabulous people and made some wonderful friends. 90% of the time, I have no regrets about what I do or how I participate in it. I think I'm a good person with her head on reasonably straight, but there are those out there who disagree with that, and turn the remaining 10% into a hell for me by playing straight onto my every fear.

I appreciate each and every comment and e-mail that has been sent to me. I know who my real friends are. Thank you for that. I'm trying to respond to as many as I can, but I've been busy with real life stuff in an attempt to clear my head about this other crap. I'm specifically disabling comments on this, not because I don't care what you think.

Because I already know you care. I don't need comments here to prove that to me.

Thank you for listening. :)
  • Current Mood
    contemplative
eurydice james: pepperlandgirl4

Apologies

Crap.

I wrote that post, said I was disabling comments, and then promptly forgot to do it. Of course, I left the house for 2 hours so I'm only now seeing what I did.

I've gone back and changed it. For those of you that commented, it's now lost, but I'm going to take the time to e-mail each of you individually since you took the time to write.

My apologies.
  • Current Mood
    guilty