Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,

Imposter syndrome sucks

So challenge #2 over at Snowflake Challenge is to interact with somebody new. And...I'm having serious problems with it. I am very much NOT GOOD at thrusting myself into other people's spaces. On top of that, out of all the intros, only about a dozen were on LJ (I have a DW account, but I have zero desire to interact over there since everything I do is here). I already knew or had interacted with four of them, and all but three of the rest were people I had zero in common with or didn't really post anything for me to interact with. Of those three that are remaining? I don't share fandoms with one (though we share life stuff), and the other two intimidate the hell out of me. They both have interest in the Buffy fandom (though we have different interests/ships there), and I can't get past the feeling that they will think I'm a big loser and beneath their notice.

This is not me looking for validation. This is completely my own lack of self-esteem in regards to most things fandom-related. As well as my natural aversion to putting myself out there. It all comes back to my inflated imposter syndrome that I've struggled with my whole life. It rears its head at the oddest things sometimes. This is one of them.

In other news, I went and bought a new chair for my desk, in hopes that I can actually find one that I can sit in for more than half an hour without it messing up any part of my lower half. None of the chairs we have work. Craig's is too deep. Alex's leans back and won't lock. The non-desk chairs we have end up screwing up the angle of my hip and exacerbate my arthritis if I sit in them for more than an hour or so. I love the chairs we have at the library, but after doing the research on the brand, I can't get them anymore. They're too old, and there's zero chance of me getting one of those. So fingers crossed this new one will do the trick. I tried it in the store and it seems fine, but it really takes several hours for me to be able to tell. It should arrive on Tuesday, and I have two weeks to return it if it fails. They did have two others I might try, and since the return policy is lenient enough on them--because I really will know fairly quickly if I can use it without pain--I'll give them a go if I have to.

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