Eurydice (eurydice72) wrote,

It doesn't matter how good the day before was, I guess Mondays are just bound to suck.

So I have PCOS. I've known I have it since I was 18. I've never been on meds for it as my case never seemed extreme enough to merit it, and it wouldn't do anything about the symptoms that bugged me the most. I'm genetically inclined to create cysts in my body, which most of the time doesn't bother me too much. My sisters have it worse than I do in a lot of regards for how it manifests in them.

But one of the ways it does in me is that my ovaries are pretty much covered in cysts. And every once in a while, about 3-4 times a year, one bursts painfully enough to make me really feel it. Last night, one burst while I was asleep. That has never happened before. I woke up at 2am in agony, after the pain had manifested weirdly in my dreams, and it took a couple hours for the pain to ease enough for me to fall asleep again. But it colored my whole day, leaving me sore and nauseous, and it just hasn't been fun.

On top of that, my cold symptoms are sneaking back. I've been fighting stuffiness and coughing the past couple days again.

All of it has just drained me. I read an 80k galley today in my efforts not to move (plus I got another galley yesterday that's due in a week, so I wanted to get this one off my plate), but I didn't get any writing done like I'd hoped. I miss writing. I miss even more feeling like I'm halfway decent at it. My confidence has just been in tatters recently, and I can't figure out how to help it. I started watching the Neil Gaiman masterclass, and while it's been enjoyable and inspiring, I feel so damn inadequate because of it. My imposter syndrome is flying high these days, it would seem.

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