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spikestress said, Do you, as a mother, think less of women who have no children?Recently I was told by a co-worker who is a parent that I was not as 'worthy' of time off because I have no kids. It got me to wondering; do all parents secretly feel like this?
Absolutely, positively 100% not.
I can't speak for all mothers, but honestly, I think this kind of thinking borders on imbecilic. I realize there are cultures out there where a woman's worth is based solely on her ability to conceive, but I don't live in one. I'm glad I don't. If I lived in a society where everything I did was discounted simply because I didn't have children, I'd be a hermit because I couldn't stand that sort of hypocrisy. Some people can't have children. Some don't want them. Others would make lousy parents or have lifestyles not conducive to children. I don't really care what the reason is. We don't live in a society where we're in danger of going extinct because of propagation issues, and to force that sort of medieval thinking onto a modern sensibility just doesn't make sense to me.
Life is about choices. What we need to do is respect others for the choices they make. As long as you're not hurting anybody, Jane Doe shouldn't give two figs what your choice is.
In this kind of situation, it would be the same as equal work demands equal pay. If you've earned your time off, what should it matter what you use it for? Or if you have an emergency that requires it. Either way, the time off is yours. If anything, I'd think that the parent who said that to you is probably jealous you're not tied down to kid stuff. Because *that* I'll cop to. Every once in a while, I get jealous of those who don't have the commitments, who can pick up and do stuff at a moment's notice because they don't have anybody to answer to but themselves. Then I just remind myself I'll have that time back again once the kids are older and I'll be wishing they're around, lol.
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I can't even begin to count the over time hours and the holiday hours I have worked because I "don't have a family anyway."
I have been at this job for nearly 7 years, so I have a bit of clout. And when I asked for a certain day off 3 weeks before said 'parent' did. I got first priority because not only did I ask first, but I have been here longer.
She was not pleased and made the argument to my supervisor that she needs that day for her kids dance recital or something. Because, I had no children, she should get priority. The supervisor tells her the only think she can do is come to me personally and ask me if I’d step away from my day off so she could have it.
The day in question is April 11th 2008. That is the day I fly to Burbank to see James.
Conversation goes like this.
Co-Worker: I need the 11th of April off.
Me: Then you’ll have to find someone to cover your reports won’t you?
Co-Worker: You have to do it. You are the only one who can.
Me: I have the 11th of April off. I am going somewhere. Looks like you can’t have that day off.
Co-Worker: Supervisor said you need to step down and let me have it; I need it for my daughters’ dance recital.
Me: (laughs) Supervisor never said that. I asked 3 weeks ago, and I have plane tickets. I am sorry.
Co-Worker: It’s not fair, you don’t have kids! You aren’t a worthy as I am to take a day off! I should get priority because I have kids and my children are more important than your trip!
Me: (Laughs harder) Yeaaahh, Right. Go away now.
Co-Worker: (stomps away grumbling.)
I sat there stunned for a bit. Did she actually just say I was less ‘worthy’ of a day off because I don’t have children? And what really toasted my buns was I have worked on holidays and stayed late covering her job many times so that she could go home to her family.
For that, I get insulted.
Anyhow, thanks so much for the answer.
I should go and quiz the co-worker to find out if she truly thinks that way or was just pouting to get her way. Because if she truly thinks that way, we are gonna have a serious problem. You can bet I’ll think twice now about covering her reports.
Peace,
Krista.
1. She totally deserves her time off. And, even if she didn't, it's part of the job description and part of the contract. End of discussion, right?
2. I have heard plenty of the opposite of what you heard: that working mothers take advantage, that they are selfish and don't deserve the extra consideration they are perceived to demand. I do have emergencies, but so does she. I would never want her to think that I believe her emergencies are less important than mine.
Your co-worker sounds like a stupid cow.
I'd just like to add that when I take the inevitable time off for kid-related stuff, I make it up in spades. Putting in time after my son goes to bed, or booting up my laptop at 5 am and getting in a couple of hours before I have to get him off to school are well worth the opportunity to be there for dentist appointments, etc.
My company is extraordinarily conscious of promoting work/life balance. We have a lot of flexibility and are treated as adults most of the time. I think the Powers that Be feel this has been a good investment, as many of us are fiercely loyal and will work like dogs when we need to. I know I am extremely grateful.
Finally, asking somebody to give up a chance to see JM is...well, I don't have the words.
When she finally got herself in a position to get out (a bad split with her partner left her in extreme financial difficulties and she was locked into a very low interest mortgage deal with the bank she worked for) you couldn't see her arse for dust.
I certainly wouldnt be going out of my way in future to cover her if this is how she really feels She may have kids but sounds to me like you spend a lot of time at work doing extra hours therefore are just as entitiled to the time off as she is (if not more).
Edited at 2008-03-13 08:34 pm (UTC)