mood - writing is hard (arthur): kathyh

Editing mix-up

Well, crap.

I got edits for my first solo venture with a new to me publisher a few weeks ago, with a due date in May. I responded confirmation with a minor note and never heard anything back. Because of our trip and how busy I was being on my own, I decided to put off starting until we got back. Then I got sick, so that's been slow going, right?

Today, I got an email from the head editor saying she made a mistake on the due date and meant to put *March* instead of May so how soon can I get them in (since technically I'm now late)?


I told her the end of the month, of course, because I want to be as professional as possible. I just wish I'd started sooner in spite of everything just so I was further along now.

*races off to edit*
mood - morning person: elz

Recovering from the weekend

Vegas was pretty damn great, but my hopes that life would calm down afterward were too ambitious. I caught something while we were there, and I've been pretty flattened by it for the past three days. So badly that I was stuck in bed all day on Monday, which was Craig's birthday. We decided to postpone celebrating it until Wednesday since there was no way I was going to be able to cook dinner for him and get anything wrapped. Today wasn't great either, but I only slept for three hours this afternoon instead of five, and I was actually able to eat something at dinner. I'll take the win where I can get it.

Alicia started watching Grey's Anatomy over the weekend because she wanted something to watch on her own, but I was on the couch when she was halfway through season 1 and I got sucked in. Not in an ohmigod I have to watch it kind of way, but definitely more interested than I thought I would be. Not that I need more shows to watch.

Speaking anyone watching Feud? Ohmigod, I love this show. Jessica Lange is killing it. I'm not as keen on Sarandon--I think I still see too much of her and not enough Bette--but I'm so enjoying the overall effect.

And I think I've wasted what little energy I had. Back to sleep for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
mood - pooped puppy: angstchic

(no subject)

Craig gets home tomorrow night. It can't come soon enough. I don't know what it is about this particular trip, but we've both been missing the other more than normal. He's been sending me random Skype messages, saying that and how he wishes he was home, which is very much not his usual modus operandi. He tends to get pretty wrapped up in work, and he'll say things like that when we're in conversation but not completely unsolicited and when I'm not even around.

I do wonder if my missing him more than usual is about this week being so busy or perhaps a reaction to the realization that my kids might be gone soon. Alicia goes off to college in a year and a half. Eighteen months. Odds are very good she'll leave the state, too. And I'm missing her already. Alex is only two years after that, though I have a feeling he'll either go to Berkeley or Stanford. He's not as driven to be on his own as Alicia is.

Speaking of Alex, he just got back the results of a nationwide math test. Top students in high schools across the country took this test apparently. Alicia took it, too, but they both walked out of the test knowing they didn't do great. There was a ton of stuff on it that neither one of them have been exposed to yet. That being said, Alex still managed to score in the top 45% in the country, and he had the highest score for the freshmen and sophomores in his school (the juniors and seniors took a different test). I'm quite proud of him.

Tomorrow is a busy day. The kids have to be at their coach's house at 5am to start doing hair and makeup for the double competition tomorrow. I'm getting up at 6am (yay for Alicia driving so I don't have to take them, lol), so I can be ready for 7 when another team mom is coming over so we can make breakfast for the kids. Then I have to run out to Michaels to pick up a couple props they've added to the routine, and we head out at 11am for the two competitions. They're at different high schools in the same city, with the second awards starting at 8:30pm. That should get us home around 10, so we can pack for leaving for Vegas the following morning.

It's going to be a very long day.
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

So. Stressed.

So the washing machine is kaput. The element we thought was the issue was definitely broken, but so was the transmission and a water valve, putting the total damage to getting it fixed to over $600. On top of that, he couldn't even guarantee the work because it's an eight-year-old machine and if something happened to the tub while he was fixing it, there was no way to repair that as it's out of date. We need to get a new one, but I'm not comfortable buying one without seeing it in person first, and I want Craig with me when I make the decision because he thinks of different questions to ask than I do. Since he's in Barcelona right now, it has to wait until he gets back. We've decided to take a morning or two next week in Vegas to look at the big stores to find a model I like so we can then get online to order it. Hopefully for delivery when we get home, but we'll see.

In the meantime, my friend L let me go to her house this morning to do a couple loads for the kids. It's an insanely busy week for us, made more so since I'm on my own. In addition to their usual evening winter guard practices, our exchange student is giving multiple presentations on Germany tomorrow morning at one of the elementary schools, Alicia has a major band concert Wednesday night, and Alex has a dentist appointment on Thursday afternoon. We'll come home from that last to visitors who are coming for dinner. Then, on Saturday, the kids have two different winter guard competitions. The last awards ceremony--which we have to stick around for because it's Alicia's turn to be the representative there--doesn't even start until 8:30pm which means we won't be home until 10pm. And we leave the following morning at 7am to drive to Vegas.

My house is currently a disaster. At some point in the next thirty-six hours, I need to find time to make it presentable for guests. Our friend wants us to meet her boyfriend for the first time, so it's kind of a big deal. I get the feeling he's the one for her.
It exhausts me just thinking about it.

Oh, and did I mention I got a set of first edits today on a novel? Luckily, she liked the book, though she doesn't the title is appropriate so I have to reconsider that. She thinks it comes across as more sinister than the characters and story suggests, which I don't see, but it's a concern since she does. Plus, I have three books to read by the end of the month for a contest. I think I have time to get it all done. Fingers crossed
mood - one of those days (merlin): batgu

I wish I could enjoy the Buffy anniversary

I've been trying to enjoy the Buffy stuff all day, but it's been tough. Just a crappy day all around.

1. My washing machine has decided to stop spinning. I wouldn't normally be too bugged about it except...

2. Craig leaves for Barcelona tomorrow for a week, and I've been trying to get his laundry done all day so he can pack in the morning. He made an appointment for it to get serviced Monday afternoon. Which makes my skin crawl. I hate dealing with strangers in my home. Well, I generally hate dealing with strangers period, but having them in my home when I need something from them on a subject I'm not well-versed on at all is worse. I really, really don't want to deal with it, but I won't have a choice. And it has to be done this week because Craig returns from Barcelona next Saturday, will get home around 11pm from his flight, and we leave at 8 the following morning for a week in Vegas with the kids. We need a working washing machine so we can wash his clothes from the trip before we go, and we don't live in an area that has a 24-hour laundromat.

3. Aunt Flo showed up today. Which is good on one hand since Craig will be gone all week, but means I'm going to be miserable and even more emotional this weekend. Plus, I'm out of the house all day tomorrow at a winter guard competition with the kids.

4. Someone's been trying to hack into one of my gmail accounts. I spent an hour tonight going through changing passwords and verifying accounts.

5. My government makes me sad. I'm so tired of the greed and hypocrisy. I'm tired of the misogyny. I'm tired of all the -isms.
books - reading dreaming: coloryourdream

That book meme

This is all over my flist today, so I figured what the hell:

The BBC estimates that most people will only read 6 books out of the 100 listed below. Reblog this and bold the titles you’ve read.

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (couldn't finish, Austen bores me to tears)
Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien (I've never been able to get into Tolkien)
Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
Harry Potter series
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
The Bible
Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy
Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
Complete Works of Shakespeare
Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
Catcher in the Rye
The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffeneger
Middlemarch – George Eliot
Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
Bleak House – Charles Dickens
War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame
Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
Emma – Jane Austen
Persuasion – Jane Austen
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (own it, but it's in my TBR pile)
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden (own it, but it's in my TBR pile)
Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
Animal Farm – George Orwell
The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery
Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
Lord of the Flies – William Golding
Atonement – Ian McEwan
Life of Pi – Yann Martel
Dune – Frank Herbert
Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen

A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth (own it, but it's in my TBR pile)
The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon
Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov
The Secret History – Donna Tartt
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
On The Road – Jack Kerouac
Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding
Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
Moby Dick – Herman Melville
Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
Dracula – Bram Stoker
The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
Ulysses – James Joyce
The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Germinal – Emile Zola
Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
Possession – AS Byatt (own it, but it's in my TBR pile)
A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel
The Color Purple – Alice Walker
The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert
A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
Charlotte’s Web – EB White
The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
Watership Down – Richard Adams
A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
Hamlet – William Shakespeare (it feels weird getting credit for this, too, when I've read the complete works)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

Looks like I'm at 68, which is courtesy of all the lit classes I took in high school and college. That would be higher if I actually liked Austen or Tolkien. But I fell in love with Russian literature when we had to read Crime & Punishment in World Lit, which explains why I can bold so many of those (even though The Gulag Archipelago is my favorite and doesn't appear here; man, I do love me some Solzhenitsyn), and I devoured a lot of classical French lit after seeing Les Miz the first time on Broadway.

I have no excuse for having read Dan Brown. It's the only title of his I've read. I just wanted to see what the big deal was about.
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

Playing Spike

This past weekend, my family and I went to DunDraCon, an annual gaming convention we've been attending the past three years. As usual, it was an absolute blast, but this year even more so. Why? Because I *finally* won a lottery slot in the Buffy RPG game. :)

I've been trying to get into this game for the last three years, to the point where I make everybody in the family put it as their number one pick for that session in hopes of increasing my odds. I traded off with them for Car Wars, since there was only one session of that, which turned out to be hysterical when all five of us got in. For the Buffy game, we only managed to snag one slot, and crazy enough, it was even me.

Now, I'm not an RPGer. I always loved the character building aspect of it, but the actual play always left me a little bored. However, I didn't care about that since this was Buffy. Even better, we got to pick our characters. Buffy and Willow were already taken by the time I had a chance to snag one, so I made the obvious choice. Spike. The scenario was set between S4 and S5, which was fun even though we ended up with a Riley in the mix. Oddly enough, that turned out to be hysterical because he ended up volunteering to protect Willow (who we needed to keep safe since she was the only one we could trust with magic), so I made a point of alerting Buffy every chance I got that Riley seemed more interested in her best friend than her.

The game took all of Sunday, and I came home to rummage around in my Buffy stuff because I was pretty damn sure I'd bought the core rulebook for the game at some point. Lo and behold, I had. I don't think I've ever looked through it before, though. I bought it mostly just to have. I'd love to play again, but that would require finding people who would play with me, and I just don't know who that would be. Oh well. At least I got to play once.
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

The Friday Five

Today's questions from thefridayfive:

1. Do you take any daily prescription medications?

2. Do you take any daily OTC (over the counter) medications?
ANSWER: I take glucosamine for my arthritis, magnesium because it's been a godsend since I turned 40, and Allegra from February to November to help with my allergies.

3. Do you take vitamins?
ANSWER: Yes, Vitamin D because I have a deficiency without it.

4. When you are sick, do you take OTC remedies or immediately go to your doctor?
ANSWER: OTC remedies most of the time.

5. Do you take aspirin?
mood - oooo: wisteria

The new Buffy game

Look what I have!

My favorite game store got their copies in on Friday, and when I saw their FB post about it, I arranged to have one held for me to pick up today, in spite of the fact that I'm going in there tomorrow for one of their huge ding and dent sales. It's a good thing I did, though. He ordered six copies, and four of them were already on hold, including mine. The thing with the sale tomorrow, too, is that people have to wait in line for so long, either to check out or to peruse the merchandise, that there is a lot of impromptu shopping of regular stock. I have little doubt those other two copies are going to get sold tomorrow.

I'm making everybody play with me this afternoon. It's a cooperative game, which isn't my favorite, but who cares? The artwork looks amazing (except they made Spike's nails sharp and pointy like claws which is just wrong and weird), and it seems to be very well made. So excited!
audrey hepburn: saturnswirls

Friday Five

Today's thefridayfive:

1) Do you try to see all the nominees for Best Picture each year before the Academy Awards show?
ANSWER: Try is the operative word here. The Oscars are my Super Bowl, and I have a personal goal of seeing everything that's ever been nominated for all but the short film and documentary categories (mostly because those tend to be difficult to get a hold of), stemming from getting an Oscar history book for Christmas when I was 18. However, time and being a mom has made that harder. There was a decade where I saw very little, so I'm always playing catch-up. But I do try to see what I can every year, and then end up making up the difference afterward.

2) How many of this year’s nine Best Picture nominees have you seen so far?
ANSWER: Only 2--La La Land and Hell or High Water. I wanted to see all but one of them prior to the nominations (I still have zero desire to see Hacksaw Ridge).

3) Of those nominated films you’ve seen, which is your favorite?
ANSWER: I probably enjoyed Hell or High Water a bit more than I did La La Land, but only slightly. I really enjoyed both for very different reasons.

4) Is your favorite the same as the film you think is actually the “best picture”?
ANSWER: No, because La La Land has more strengths as a whole, I think.

5) Which film do you think will win Best Picture?
ANSWER: This is La La Land's to lose this year. If anything stands a chance of beating it, it's Moonlight, but I just don't see that happening.
mood - smack a bitch: ushitora_icons

And the beat(down) goes on

And the tearing down of America and what we're supposed to be continues.

The division between church and state continues to blur as Trump talks about "destroying" the Johnson Amendment.

There is no good reason for this except to make the religious right happy. He said freedom of religion is a sacred right, but you know what? So is freedom without religion, especially when it comes to the government.

I have no idea how I'm going to survive this administration without my head exploding.
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

Where do we go from here...

I've been finding it very hard to stay focused the last ten days. Every day, the news about what is coming out of the White House gets more and more frustrating. I finally broke on Facebook yesterday, though I suppose it could've been a lot worse. I just feel so damn helpless, when I want to jump into the fray and help.

Marching and donating are great, but it's not satisfying that itch for me. I actually started looking at colleges yesterday and considering going back. First it was for law school, but honestly, I'd be in my 50s before I could take the bar, and the thought of all that added expense when both Alicia and Alex will be going to college in the next few years stops me. So I started looking at paralegal certification. I could still find ways to work for legal aid organizations as a paralegal, I figure. But then I see how those positions are diminishing as more and more is done by the attorneys themselves.

So I don't know. I'm still thinking it over. It would be nice to find some creative outlet for it, but I don't see what.
cooking - cookie andrew: blond_bear

Battenberg cake

One of my favorite British treats that I miss the most is battenberg cake. For my American friends, it's basically an almond sponge cake, with jam between layers, that gets wrapped in marzipan. This is what it looks like:

Pic behind cutCollapse )

They're very pretty, small, and oh so yummy.

When Alicia and I realized that we were making a traditional English roast dinner today, I remarked that we should have an English dessert, too. A battenberg was the first we agreed upon, but the thing of it is, neither one of us has ever made one before. So we decided to give it a go.

Since it was our first attempt working with marzipan this way, we decided to forego the checkerboard effect. We used blackcurrant jam between the layers, but the recipe in Craig's old cookbook (the one his nan gave him ages ago dated from 1962) sucks at instructions. It just said roll it in the marzipan and trim it up, but it was impossible to get a really right roll on it. From what I googled afterward, a lot of people put jam on the outside of the cake, too, so the marzipan has something to adhere to. We're going to try that next time.

Still, it didn't turn out half bad. And oh my god, it tasted delicious.

Our battenbergsCollapse )

Alicia and I have decided to start making stuff from Craig's old cookbook on a regular basis. We use it for a couple things already, but Alicia really wants to have more of those recipes under her belt before she moves off to college. We'll definitely be doing this again, though. And I'll do the checkerboard effect next time. It was so worth it.
text - nippy: teragramm

Today's Friday Five

Today's thefridayfive:

1) How do you like your coffee?
ANSWER: In bulk. With fat-free half and half. One tablespoon per 8 ounces of coffee. And yes, that's what I do at home, lol. My favorite mugs are 24 ounce Starbucks mugs from when we lived in the UK, and it takes three tablespoons--which I measure--to get it the color I want. I started measuring a few years ago when I was watching calories so I could track more easily.

2) How do you like your tea?
ANSWER: I usually drink English breakfast, which means taking it with a bit of milk. I had never heard of putting milk in tea until I met Craig. Tea, other than iced, just wasn't part of my world.

3) What's your favorite late night beverage?
ANSWER: I don't usually drink anything past nine o'clock it's for a specific reason, like I want caffeine to keep me up or we have company and there's alcohol.

4) If you could only drink one thing for the next week, what would it be?
ANSWER: I need my coffee. As much as I like other fluids, if I didn't have coffee in my day to day, I would likely be in jail from doing something harmful to someone else, lol.

5) If you were on vacation, what would be the first thing you'd drink to celebrate?
ANSWER: It would depend on where we were. A generic vacation, probably a white wine of some sort. For places where we go to an urban destination and are staying in a city center with bars and restaurants around, I almost always order a Bloody Mary. It's my mixed drink of choice.
merlin - gwaine/percival: yorkshirewench

Necessary distraction

In a desperate attempt to not give tomorrow any undue thought, Craig and I went and saw the new xXx movie tonight. Mostly because I had a free pass. I probably would've buried myself in gaming otherwise.

It was...a xXx movie. Sometimes, I just need random violence and good stunts to forget about the rest of the world, because let's face it, the story is always pretty thin. This one is particularly cliche-laden. But I didn't mind too much since I got to watch Vin's arms and Donnie Yen. Seriously, I could watch Donnie Yen all flippin' day. Mesmerizing and hot as hell.

Plus, Ruby Rose is in it. With green hair. How could I resist?
btvs - faith casual: katekat1010

Stormy weather

We've been beset with storms the past twenty-four hours. Winds that are knocking over trees and rains that are causing floods. I saw over a dozen different reports in my small town of fully grown trees that were uprooted just in the past five hours, so there's no telling what neighboring towns got. Someone I knew got stuck on the highway between two fallen trees for over two hours because the police said it was too dangerous for them to get out to them yet. People have lost power, too. The worst part is, it's not over. It's supposed to be like this for the next few days.

Which is why I didn't end up going to the gym today. An excuse, I know, but seriously, with bridges closed and the winds so dangerous, it's just not worth it. I might not go for a few days if this keeps up.

Bit by bit, I'm getting back into my routine. Even writing. I'm going to start posting next week again on my Spuffy WIP over at Elysian Fields. I regret that it's taken me this long to get back to it, and the last thing I want is for people to think I've abandoned it. I haven't. My time has just been so consumed with other stuff that I had to shelve it for a little while. The best I can manage are little ficlets that don't require a ton of thought.

Of course, the bad thing about those are they spawn ideas for longer fics. I did a Merlin/Percival last week that has the hallmark of a great opening, and my apocalyptic Arthur/Merlin story I did for the drabble community this week could easily get turned into something longer. I can't pursue either of them, though, since I have other WIPs waiting in line ahead of them.

Too many ideas. Too little time. It's the story of my life, really. :)
cooking: sunlitdays

A good start

2016 was not a good year for my stress eating. :P

That's when I overeat. When my stress levels get too high. Between the problems professionally and the election, I had more bad months than good months, and I pretty much stopped caring about anything after November started. When I'm stressed, I want something to make me feel good, and food does that. Exercise sure as hell doesn't. I do not know what these endorphins are everybody but me seems to get to experience.

But I'm trying to make 2017 better. I started double-tracking today--both on my app for WW and in the new workout/food diary I got for myself--and I went back to the gym. Twice, actually. Once for yoga this morning--gentle because I've not been in over six months--and once again this evening for some cardio. I have lost any stamina I might've had, but hey, I got to read two chapters so I'll take what I can get.

Food was on point, too, oddly enough. I got a new cookbook for Christmas--But I Could Never Go Vegan--and I tried the first recipe from it the other night. Broccoli and quinoa tabbouleh with a tahini-lemon dressing. I had leftover dressing--that's my one quibble with it, I only used half the dressing it made--and most of the veg, so I made another batch of it tonight. We won't be going full-on vegan, but I'm drastically cutting back on animal products again. As long as I can keep food interesting, it's easier for me to stick to eating more healthily.

Menu is all planned for tomorrow, but I might not get to the gym the way I want. Tuesday is the cheap night at the theater, and I haven't seen a ton of recent releases. I'd dying to see La La Land, and Hidden Figures, and I still haven't seen Moana...the list is very extensive.

I guess we'll see.
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

Friday Five

In an effort to post more often, I'm doing these thefridayfive things.

1) What would/did you name your first child?
ANSWER: Alicia Marie. I had a massive spreadsheet of names that Craig and I went back and forth crossing stuff off of, until we finally settled on one. In all honesty, he loved the name more than I did (the ones I loved most tended to be a little too androgynous or unusual for him), but I can't imagine one more fitting now. The middle name is both a family tradition in mine and a variation on his mother's first name.

2) What do you think makes a good name for a baby?
ANSWER: Easy to pronounce, easy to spell, no obvious ways to tease the child about it.

3) What do you think makes a bad name for a baby?
ANSWER: Anything you have to explain. Or spend too long having to justify.

4) What's a name that you love, but would never give a child? Why?
ANSWER: I have been madly in love with the name Isabeau since I was a teenager, but I'd never use it. People have a tendency to only glance at names, and she'd be saddled with being called Isabelle a lot of the time in error.

5) Did your parents do a good job naming you?
ANSWER: I'm going with no here. I HATED my name growing up. In my whole life, I've only ever met one other woman in this country with my name. It's much more common in Nordic/Scandinavian countries, but here in the US, people look at it and either completely mangle the pronunciation by adding letters that aren't there (because male variants on my name with those letters are more familiar to them) or don't even try. To this day, my name is a conversation piece with strangers. In addition, it's easily distorted to create truly awful nicknames that I was teased with as a child. For decades, I wished I could've been a Laura or an Elizabeth. It's gotten easier as I've aged to appreciate the individuality of my name, and adults are certainly more complimentary about it, but I went through almost thirty years of torture because of it.
mood - woe: crackers4jenn

Well, that didn't happen

So. The recital happened without me. Around 3, anxiety started to win, but I still managed to get ready and go. There were random crying jags before that, but I was mostly in control when we arrived. Way too early, unfortunately. My nerves exploded into a full-blown panic attack, and I had to go outside because I couldn't control the hyperventilating or sobbing. It wasn't pretty. And I couldn't stop. My friend L came out and tried to hug me, but I couldn't handle being touched. I had to start pacing and counting in an attempt to get the hyperventilating under control. After I'd been outside for half an hour, Craig came out to find out how I was doing and told me he was going to tell my teacher that I wasn't doing it. It took me another half hour to get to a point where my heart wasn't racing and I could breathe again.

I never went back into the performance space. I stood outside in the cold to listen to the kids perform.

I'm not proud of my reaction. Part of my panic came because I couldn't deal with looking like a coward in front of my kids, that Alicia might view me with disdain because she never lets her fear hold her back, but I couldn't go through with it. It's been a long time since I've had such a strong panic attack. The last time was three years ago when I got triggered at a birthday party by two dogs getting into a fight. (I was attacked by a German Shepherd when I was five. The barking and crying of the dog that got bit set me off this time.) I know it was all on me, but I still feel like an idiot.

Craig was wonderful through it all. When I told him how afraid I was of looking like a coward in front of Alicia, that I feared she would look down on me for giving in to fear, his answer came back reasoned and assuring. That nobody who loved me would want me to be as miserable was I was. And that if Alicia wasn't supportive, she would have to answer to him, because nothing was more important to him than making me feel loved.

That helped. A lot. But I'm still mildly ashamed I couldn't do it.
eurydice - delilah: prophcygrl

Please be Friday

I want it to be 24 hours from now more than I've wanted anything ever. Because in 19 hours, my guitar recital starts and I would literally prefer to have open-heart surgery right now than have to do this recital. I'm not ready. I'm going to be sitting there, screwing up or not even playing because I've lost the rhythm, and there is very little I can do about it. I've been knocking myself out trying to learn what I'd been given, only to find out first on Monday that I was doing an additional solo near the end, and then today that I had the wrong chords for all the verses. So he gave me the music he gave EVERYBODY ELSE (but not me because I hadn't been to lessons since October), 24 hours before the recital with the intention that I'd be comfortable with it all by the time to perform rolls around.

Which I will not be.

I even begged Craig to call him and tell him to let me out of it in order to save our marriage because I was going crazy, lol. Which he refused, telling me, "You're the one who agreed to do this. How many times have I told you to say no to people?"

None of this helped by the fact that Aunt Flo decided to visit yesterday. The past thirty-six hours have been a muddle of agonizing pain, desires for crying jags, and complete lack of motivation, with real life happening all around it, including a board meeting tonight that meant I couldn't practice after my lesson this afternoon until 10pm tonight.


Craig is right, of course. But that doesn't change the fact that I would do anything--including trying to bribe the band teacher at the booster meeting tonight to get him to play for me--to get out of this recital tomorrow. This whole nightmare has even made me hate Hotel California. Which I have always loved.
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

Vacation cut short

This past week was our trip to Tahoe. For anyone who hasn't heard, a ton of snow dumped in that region beginning in the middle of our drive up. What should have taken us four hours at most, took us eight, and it didn't stop snowing for over two days. In the end, we had forty inches dumped in the front yard of the cabin we rented, which managed to bury all three cars. Literally. Not a single inch of any one of them was visible when the snow stopped Thursday morning. It took over three hours of ten people digging and moving snow to get them out.

The kids had two great days, though. While it was snowing, it wasn't windy and the temperatures stayed in the twenties. The reason we ended up leaving a day early, however, because when we woke up on Thursday morning, we discovered the power had gone out in the middle of the night. A line had snapped on the road, and they couldn't tell us whether or not it would be fixed by the end of the day or not. Since temperatures were supposed to dip to zero (in Fahrenheit) that night, we decided it wasn't worth sticking it out. So home we came. It was so bad the day before we left, they'd even closed I-80 for almost 24 hours.

Tomorrow starts my new year for real, though. Healthy eating, getting caught up on writing (I can finally get back to my Spuffy story, I do not want that to languish any longer), getting life back on track. I'm going to be knocking myself out the next few days to get the introduction to Hotel California under my belt for a performance on Thursday night, too. I made a promise and as much as I'd rather not play, I have to do it. Even if I suck.

Hopefully posting will happen more. I know there's been another LJ/DW migration, but frankly, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not a fan of DW, and I just paid for another year here. I'll be sorry to lose anyone, but I can't say that it would be shocking, considering how many people have drifted away from LJ over the years. I'm not such an integral part of any one community to feel the need to make the move.

ETA: Oh, and I wrote a few things for the holidays.

For yuletide, I wrote Humans fic.

The Space Between (1440 words) by eurydice72
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Humans (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Leo Elster/Mattie Hawkins
Characters: Leo Elster, Mattie Hawkins, Anita | Mia (Humans), Laura Hawkins
Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Epistolary, First Love
Summary: Set after the end of series 1.
Leo and Mattie try to move on with their lives. It's not nearly as satisfying as they'd hoped for.

For camelot_drabble's Holiday Exchange fest, I wrote fluffy Arthur/Percival.

An Elf in Wonderland (3170 words) by eurydice72
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Merlin (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Arthur Pendragon/Percival (Merlin)
Characters: Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Percival (Merlin)
Additional Tags: Christmas Fluff, Alternate Universe - Human
Summary: Modern AU. When Arthur starts his Christmas shopping, the last thing he expects to find at the market is a wondrous world and the more wondrous man who helped create it.
mood - frustrated: awmp

Apparently, I'm unreasonable

More arguing with the FIL. This time about something stupid.

Next week, we are going to Tahoe for a few days. We are *not* skiing. It's a sledding kind of holiday. He is insistent that all of the kids need snow pants because otherwise it'll be too cold and wet. I refuse to buy snow pants to wear for three days out of the year if it's only sledding. The sledding will happen behind the cabin we rented, and there is literally no way these kids are going to be out for more than a couple hours at a time. He thinks I'm being unreasonable, even though we have to literally buy everything else--coats, boots, gloves, hats. I just don't see the point in spending even more money for something that isn't as necessary. Especially since we live in California and finding them cheap in a store nearby is a bitch. We're going to have a hard enough time finding appropriate coats and boots right now.

I grew up in the snow. We did not have snow pants. You wore jeans and layers if you went out. I have zero problems buying thermal underwear and more jeans for the kids, because I know they'll wear them beyond those three days. And yet, I'm the one being unreasonable because I refuse to coddle them.

What am I missing here?!?

At least Craig agrees with me about not buying anymore. As it stands, we have three pairs the adults wore the last time, none of which fits the kids properly, but FIL thinks will have to suffice since I'm being mean and not getting them new ones. Alex will wear my MIL's--which are four inches too short--Alicia will wear Craig's--which are way too big in the waist and hips--and our exchange student will wear FIL's--which are three inches too short. Apparently, these ill-fitting pants are better than nothing to him, a point I disagree with since it's worse to get snow up your pants legs and Alex and our exchange student will probably struggle to get them tucked into boots properly.

Why my experience of having grown up in snow isn't valid, I don't know. He's lived his whole life in southeast England. His only experience with snow is as a tourist.

mood - pooped puppy: angstchic

(no subject)

Officially dead.

I've written 24k in the past five days in order to meet two deadlines. On top of handling a dentist appointment, guitar lesson, three trips to the grocery store, two school runs for emergencies, a trip to San Jose on Saturday night to see the Dances with the Stars with Alicia and our exchange student as one of their Christmas gifts, a minor catastrophe with Alicia when she dropped her saber while practicing and clobbered herself in the eye (huge bump, big gash, and now a black eye), and a hair appointment that ended up lasting three hours.

So...yeah. Officially dead.

Tomorrow morning I have to read through line edits on a 40k story and then finish cleaning my house to prepare for 75 teenagers descending on us in the afternoon for a potluck dinner. Then I have one more Christmas fic gift to write at which point I can finally start thinking about wrapping gifts and finishing up the grocery shopping for Christmas.

Fingers crossed I actually make it to Christmas this year. :P
mood - this sucks: sandy_s

(no subject)

I feel like I'm barely holding it all together. My professional life is overwhelmed with stuff that needs to happen, most of which will be late. I've been killing myself trying to get Thanksgiving ready--entertaining/feeding 13 people for 4 solid days. I had to take a break from writing fanfic because of the professional stuff I need to get done, which makes me feel like crap because I don't want to look like I'm not going to get my Spuffy story done again not to mention I haven't even been able to start my Merlin Holidays story which is due in a week.

And then there's all the election shit. Every day is something else that makes me wish I was anywhere but here. I'm in a red section of California and it's frustrating as hell to hear so many local people denouncing those of us who hate Trump and what he's normalizing and the threat of what his administration will do to so many people.

I'm eating to self-medicate, which isn't good at all and I know it.

I have no time for anything for myself. Craig offered to send me for a pedicure and facial the other day to help me destress and I turned him down because the prospect of losing three hours to something that would only put me further behind on other obligations made me anxious.

My FIL arrives tomorrow from the UK. If he brings up Trump, I'm going to lose it. He's going to say something like how on earth could we have elected someone like that here, and I'll explode on him because he voted for Brexit. He's against all the immigrants and how they're hurting the UK economy, which was his primary reason for voting for it, but if I dare to bring up the similarities between those who voted for Brexit and those who voted for Trump, it's going to be a miserable three months.

I'm whining. I know. But it just builds and build and builds and there's no place else for me to put it.
mood - smack a bitch: ushitora_icons

Can't bite my tongue

I'm getting really tired of biting my tongue around people I know it's a waste of breath with, but I'm so sick and tired of people telling me that I need to suck it up or that voting for a misogynistic, hateful man for a reason that is not about hate means his voters are completely blame free or that I'm the one being hateful for continuing to talk about "so-called hate crimes" when most of them aren't real anyway.

I'm rantingCollapse )
books - reading dreaming: coloryourdream

Looking for YA suggestions

In a desperate bid to not think about the election and have it ruin my day completely, I'm throwing myself into holiday planning. There's one item I'd like my flist's help with.

Every year, I buy Alicia a new book set to read. It's typically been a YA series of some sort, like Hunger Games and Daughter of Smoke & Bone. I'm looking for suggestions because I've been ignoring the YA market the past year or two. She loves fantasy and strong heroines, and typically isn't a big fan of stories that center on romance. Other types slip in there--some John Green, for example--so if a series is fantastic, please feel free to recommend it. Then I can take the list to compare it to her library to see what she might not have.

Oh, and the series should be complete or mostly so. She's not a fan of having to wait, lol.
mood - woe: crackers4jenn

(no subject)

I spent most of my night sick to my stomach. And crying. And then getting sick again. While Hillary was definitely not my first choice, when the electoral college process means the president will either be someone who has never done a day of public service in his life and wants to stack the Supreme Court with conservative judges that will take back the rights women, LGBT+, non-Christians, and minorities have fought to have for decades, or a woman who at least is familiar with how our government works and will be a balance against a Republican-controlled House and Senate, the choice was obvious.

My vote wasn't about me. It was about everybody. Though I might loathe the misogynists and religious right on principle, I voted for a country that would uphold their rights as much as they would uphold the rights of others. I'm saddened I was so wrong about our country that they would fall prey to the fear.

At least California got it right. Plus, we legalized marijuana tonight. I am never leaving this state unless I absolutely have to. :P
mood - smack a bitch: ushitora_icons

One of those years...

I just want 2016 to be over. What an awful, sucky year.

I'm thisclose to canceling a double date tomorrow because I'm angry/upset with the female half of the other couple. I talked to her yesterday--in what I thought was confidence--about something a mean girl said to Alicia, mostly because I knew her daughter had problems with the mean girl too and she'd be a sympathetic ear. I just needed to get it off my chest.

She turned around and told her daughter, who then went to the friend who'd witnessed the exchange (whose mother had been the one to tell me) and demanded to know what was going on. The other friend turned on his mom, who then called me and told me what happened. It was all a mess. And ugly. And I was furious that what I thought was between two adults got tossed back into the teenage ring, and even more furious that I didn't see it coming and said anything to her in the first place.

She apologized profusely but doesn't think she really did anything wrong, telling me I should've been clearer with her. Which is ridiculous because she only hears what she wants to hear sometimes and has been known to blame me for not telling her things other people have communicated multiple times (seriously, she never reads emails or checks our parents' band group so doesn't find out about things until it's too late and then gets mad at me for not keeping her up to date; I am not her damn secretary).

All of this on top of the news about my aunt's breast cancer, dealing with family, trying to get writing done (I have my Spuffy story I'm working on, a 55k short novel due on 12/1 that only has its outline done, edits for a different novel, and another set of line edits that I got today), keeping up with the kids' schedules (currently comprised of band/color guard/election canvassing/leadership/basketball/college testing), two different fundraisers for band boosters, a guitar recital in a month (though it looks like now there's a scheduling conflict with that), the annual Christmas basket/gift program for my hometown, and just feeding and clothing my family since nobody else will do it.

Then there's the election. Which makes me want to cry.

Stick a fork in me. Please.
mood - woe: crackers4jenn

Dealing with bad family news

Halloween isn't quite the same with the kids now being teenagers. We walked around a little with the younger children, but then the girls came back to our house and are currently ensconced with a couple of friends in the living room, eating leftover candy (for some strange reason, we didn't get very many kids this year at all) and watching A Nightmare on Elm Street.

But my day, which I meant to be productive before we headed over to our friends' house, got derailed by some bad news this afternoon. My aunt texted me, wanting to talk. She's my mom's youngest sister, the one I spent every summer living with from the ages of 9 until 17. I always thought of her as an older sister since she's only 15 years older than me, but we're not as close as we used to be. Distance will do that.

It turns out that my other aunt, the oldest sister of the group who just turned 70, has breast cancer. Read more...Collapse )
mood - meep: buffypurple12

A bit of chaos

A bit of chaos around our house today. Alicia's BFF was in a car accident right by our house this afternoon. She's had her license for less than two months and was test driving a car her parents were thinking of getting her. She pulled into an intersection she thought was clear but someone coming too fast around a curve hit the front driver side of her car. Both cars needed to be towed away, though thankfully nobody got hurt. Needless to say, BFF was very shaken up by the whole incident, and Alicia went with her to the ER, just to make sure everything was all right.

That threw an anchor into my work plans for the day, but like I told BFF's mom, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that nobody was hurt. Everybody got to walk away from it. The rest of it is details that will get sorted out one way or another in the long run.

At least tomorrow is Friday!
btvs - spike punk rebel: red_sunflower

Razing the Veil

Well, I actually started posting new Spuffy over at Elysian Fields. I can't believe I did it. Frankly, I'm terrified about the whole thing. It's been almost a decade since I wrote anything substantial for the fandom, and my bunny for the challenge grew of its own accord. It won't be anything nearly as long as most of my Spuffy (it still boggles me to think that most of my multi-chaptered fics ran as long as they did--Rhapsody was shortest at around 125k and Rook is nearly 300k), but I wouldn't be surprised if it ends up being 70-90k when it's complete.

If anyone is curious, it's called Razing the Veil. The first chapter is up, and I'm going to be updating on Tuesdays and Fridays. I think that's a reasonable schedule for me without losing my mind. I waited to start until I had a few chapters done, too, so I have a cushion in case I fall behind a bit. Fingers crossed I can maintain it. I have a 50k novel due 12/1, and this week I got a galley, a set of line edits, and another set of first edits, all due by November 1. When it rains, it pours, lol.
Tags: ,
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

(no subject)

Alicia passed her driving test today! On one hand, it's such a relief that she's going to be able to help in getting to her different activities. On the other, I don't want to think of my baby out there on the road with crazy drivers. It won't be right away, either. Craig has to get her added to the insurance, but that's not going to happen until after he gets back from his business trip Saturday night.

Oh, right. He's leaving for another trip early tomorrow morning. Three days gone. It'll just be me and the kids for that time period.

We missed watching the debate tonight. I forgot to set it up to record in time. From the sound of it, I didn't miss much except to hopefully put the final nail in Trump's coffin. I just want this whole election over. It's been awful from start to finish, but the worst part is, I don't think things will improve soon. Trump's campaign has cut open the ugly underbelly of everything that is wrong with America and made it all right to be openly misogynistic, racist, and violent. These are not people who will go quietly into the night. I also hate that I'm so disappointed in so many people I know because of their choices during this campaign. It kills me how selfish I find them because they refuse to look at the bigger picture, that somehow their needs are more important than the needs of the many. I've rarely let a difference in politics get in the way of friendships (it always shocks some of my liberal friends that I have so many Republican friends and that half of my family is Republican as well), but this year has been different. I don't want to judge them because they're buying into lies or voting third party as an act of rebellion, but I seem to be doing it anyway. It makes me question how I can be friends with someone who could be so willfully ignorant or selfish.

The hardest part? Even though California is pretty firmly for Hillary, my town has a TON of Trump supporters. I had to listen to local people go on and on about Killary and how Trump is what this nation needs for way too long after the debate tonight. It's not surprising. These are the same people who refuse to pay the necessary taxes to get proper fire coverage for our area, leaving us woefully uncovered. I have to listen to them scream about how all the "libtards" are trying to steal their guns and repeal the 2nd amendment just because some of us advocate for stronger gun control mandates.

I like California in a lot of ways, but sometimes, I really hope both of my kids go to college in New England. Then I'll have an excuse to move back east. :P
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

Not a bad week, considering

What a week.

A good part of my week was spent running teenagers around. Craig was in Seattle for work, so it was all on me. Alex had color guard practice three nights this week, our exchange student had tennis every day as well as a party tonight, and then there was Alicia. On top of her band stuff (three days this week) and STEM meeting (one day), she has a new internship with a local(ish) candidate for State Assembly. She had that three days this week. She takes her driving test next Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed she passes.

Craig's home, but tomorrow we're all in Santa Cruz for a massive band review competition. On Sunday, Alicia has to work on the campaign in a town that's near where we used to live, and I'd told our exchange student I'd take her to the mall over there while Alicia was working, but I'm considering seeing if I can beg off and stay home to work. I need the time. I have so much to do.

There were two bright spots of news this week, though. This morning, Craig got a call from Universal saying they'd matched a wallet with my lost and found report, so they are mailing it back to me. Craig didn't ask whether or not my driver's license was in it. At this point, since I already have my replacement bank cards, that's the only thing I'm desperate to find in it.

The other bright spot? Craig's boss went straight to the CEO about me working for them, and she has no problem with it. It's about 85% settled at this point, which is kind of nice, though it's going to mean more juggling with my time again, lol. The money will be a bonus, though. And having something recent on my resume is always good.
mood - rock on (clem)

Jiggity jig

I am home---absolutely exhausted, without wallet, and completely behind on everything--in time for Yuletide assignments to go out.

Holy crap, I love my assignment SO MUCH. Multiple matches (which has never happened for me before) and delicious prompts that are right up my alley. This year is going to be so much fun.
mood - this sucks: sandy_s

(no subject)

We went to Universal today. It was turning into a pretty perfect day - gorgeous weather, the new Harry Potter section, got to see Dermot Mulroney - to discover at 1:30 that my wallet was missing. We walked back to the car to make sure I hadn't left it in there, but no luck. Nobody had turned it in by that point, either. It still wasn't turned in by the end of the day. :(

I can handle my debit and credit card being gone. Canceling those and getting a replacement is relatively easy.

It's the zillion store cards and my damn driver's license that annoys me to no end. Craig is away next week, and there's no telling when I can get into the DMV. And I have no idea how I'm even going to replace a lot of the cards.

I guess the universe wasn't happy with how good my mood was. :(
mood - rock on (clem)

On vacation

I figured since I just made my Yuletide letter public that I should probably check in to let people know I'm alive. The past week has been crazy busy as we left on Saturday for our family vacation. We are currently in Los Angeles and will be here until Sunday. So far, it's been shopping, hanging out at the pool, and Downtown Disney. We hit theme parks for the next three days---Disney tomorrow, Universal (and Harry Potter, woo hoo!) on Wednesday, and California Adventure on Thursday. Friday is the beach, Santa Monica Boardwalk, and college tours at UCLA and USC. I have no idea what is happening on Saturday. Recovering from the week, probably, lol.

Because of our long days, I'll be mostly incommunicado until next week again. Unless I get motivated and post pictures/updates along the way. But I think I'm going to be exhausted frankly. ;)
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

The week + TV

Where did this week go?

Alicia ended up being home for two days, but on Tuesday at lunchtime, Alex called me from school saying he didn't feel well, too. I kept him home for two days with a fever and the same stomach problems (though not as severe, thank goodness), but both kids seem to be good now. I don't seem to be getting a full-blown version of it. I've got minor cold symptoms, but those are manageable and I think more likely to be caused by poor sleeping and eating habits from the past week.

I got other work done in the middle of all that, like a completed set of edits (though I got another set back to me today) and another chapter of my M/A fic, "Let's Get Personal," posted. I signed up for a word war and gave myself an insane goal of 10k for four days, of which I've managed to get 1.6k done so far. To be fair, I never really thought I was going to hit it (even though I have two more days to go). I just wanted a high bar to shoot for to push myself.

Tomorrow is another busy day. It's the first of three marching competitions, which means I'm up at 6am to get Alex over to his coach's house to get ready. Craig is with Alicia, helping to move instruments and then get the kids ready for the actual competition. I may or may not have to go. I won't know until after I get to Alex's coach's house. This is our first year with color guard so I have no idea what the standard practice is. Regardless, I have to take our exchange student out afterward to get groceries for a project for her Spanish III class. I'm going to need Sunday as a day of rest, lol.

On the plus side, Alicia and I did watch some new TV this week.

Gotham: Still enjoying it, though I hate the kids. I watch for the bad guys mostly. And Harvey.
The Good Place: It wasn't quite what we expected, but we laughed out loud in a couple places so we're sticking with it for the time being.
This Is Us: We LOVED this. Mild spoilerCollapse )
Designated Survivor: Craig and I are giving this one more episode. So far, we're not that impressed. It's too heavy-handed, but maybe that improves.
Blindspot: I did not realize Luke Mitchell was going to be on this season. I love him. And it kills me how torn up Jane is about everything. She's so screwed. Mild Patterson spoilerCollapse )
How to Get Away with Murder: My favorite trashy TV. God, I love this show. And I love even more that Conrad Ricamora is now a regular. Have you heard him sing? God. Love him.
tv - pretty (wes/fred): behindblue_eyes

Fall TV

With the fall TV season starting up, I finally sat down to figure out what I need to program into the DVR. And I'm soooooo embarrassed by how long the list is, lol. I know most of them won't make it, and some of them I freely admit I'm only watching because of who are in them, but...well, you just never know when you'll fall in love with something if you don't take a chance.

--American Housewife - I've heard mixed things about it, but I'm hoping it'll be funny.
--Conviction - Hayley Atwell. The absolute only reason. I haven't heard good things about it, though, so I don't know how long it will last.
--Designated Survivor - Kiefer Sutherland. That's the only reason I need to try it.
--The Exorcist - I've been waffling on this, but Father Tomas is played by one of my favorite actors from Sense8 so I'm going to try.
--The Good Life - The trailers made me laugh. Plus, Ted Danson and Kristen Bell.
--Man With a Plan - I've heard this trashed more than once, but it's Matt LeBlanc who I adore so I'm trying it anyway.
--This Is Us - I'm hoping to find a good family drama for a comfort watch. Plus, Justin Hartley!
--Timeless - Because I'm a sucker for a time travel story.
--Van Helsing - Bloodthirsty vampires. Need I say more?
--Westworld - It looks utterly fascinating.

I'm sad. I know.
mood - this sucks: sandy_s

So maybe I won't be working

Well, crap. HR at Craig's company said no. There's a policy that no subordinate can be related to a supervisor in the company. Even though I would technically be reporting in to someone else.

Craig's boss didn't like that answer. He's decided to go straight to the CEO and make the case for me. I guess we'll see, but I'm not holding my breath even though she thinks Craig walks on water.
merlin - bradley hands: amaranthine3

Is it time to re-enter the workplace?

I've been writing professionally for the last decade, but I've never been the breadwinner in the family. In my best year, I still would've made more money working full-time in a fast food restaurant, but it was never about money anyway. It was about flexibility and doing something I loved, and hey, it paid for itself and a few vacations along the way, so no bad there.

I've been out of the normal workforce since before Alex was born. By choice. Craig and I agreed early on that we wanted somebody at home with the kids, and since he made more money, the choice was easy. In the past couple years, however, Craig has started bringing up the idea of me working again. He's not nagging or anything like that, and we certainly don't need the extra money, but in a way of, "The kids will be out of the house soon and you like to be busy so wouldn't it be a good idea to start thinking about it now."

(And it freaks me out to think about the kids being gone. I've always known Alicia would strike off as soon as she could, but the notion of Alex moving out to go to college leaves me sick to my stomach.)

I've brushed him off, for the most part. I don't know how good I'd be in an office environment again, to be honest. I like working on my own, and frankly, I hate working with idiots which happens way too often.

That might change.

Today, the topic of Craig's work came up. One of his guys is in the process of moving (into a rental while his new house is getting worked on, which means he's moving again in December) and Craig wishes he had somebody like me to pick up the slack. He makes comments like this often. I'm highly organized, very detail-oriented, and smart enough to learn the rudiments to get the job done. I asked questions because I was curious how I could possibly do P's job (P is a friend so I know what it often entails) and Craig explained this was new stuff that had been turned over to him, that they'd already tried getting someone to help him but she'd been shuttled into other projects. It could be part-time work if I wanted it to be and solid money, with the added bonuses that I'd work from home on my own hours and that Craig is right here to answer questions so I would never have to chase him down.

The more we talked, the more of a good fit it felt like. So on a whim, I told him to run the idea by his boss.

His boss loved it. His only concern was that he didn't want Craig and I to start fighting because we worked together, so Craig explained that we'd worked together before and thrived (so well, in fact, that the owners of that company asked us to move to Sydney, Australia to start up an office there and run it, an offer we ultimately turned down because I'd only been in the UK for two years at that point and didn't feel like uprooting so far away so soon).

So the next step is HR. From there, we'll see.

It really does feel like a good match. The crux of the job is about research and problem-solving, two things I'm very good at. Craig thinks I could swing the job into something full-time (if I wanted) or even convince them I'm the perfect choice for the technical librarian he's been dying for the company to get.

Who knows. All I know is that for the first time, it feels doable. It would mean keeping a tighter rein on my schedule than I already do, but the extra money would be really nice to have around, especially with two kids so close to college.
books - reading dreaming: coloryourdream

The Language of Flowers

I'm so far behind on my annual book goal that I've decided to give up on logging them here. I'll just talk about the ones that interest me instead.

Like the one I finished today. "The Language of Flowers" by Vanessa Diffenbaugh. It was a popular book club choice when it came out a few years ago, but of course, it's been languishing on my TBR pile until now. It's about an eighteen-year-old girl who's a product of the foster system as she gets emancipated from the program. She's antisocial, ill-educated, and angry. All she cares about are flowers and the meanings they hold, as she was taught by one of her foster mothers. She finds work with a florist, but being on her own is hard. The story alternates between what is going on now in her life and when she was ten and living with the woman who taught her everything about flowers.

I'll admit, I almost gave up on the book after the first couple chapters. I don't like reading about excessively angry people, especially when they seem so willfully self-destructive like Victoria did. But I stuck with it and before I knew it, I was sucked into her story. She ends up running into a boy from her past and their budding relationship was so delicately wrought that I found myself holding my breath in their scenes. This relationship was what kept me into the story, especially as the whole thing began to unravel. Victoria was a very difficult character for me to care about in general, for the very reasons I almost gave up on it.

But when I finished it? I was crying. I don't think it's indicative of the book's skill, though. Instead, it triggered one of my issues--that of abandonment--and I pretty much lost it.

Was it a great book? Not really. But I liked the author's voice, and I adored a lot of her secondary characters. I'd probably give it a solid B if pressed.
mood - pooped puppy: angstchic

So tired

Soooooooooo tired.

The vet appointment this morning did not go as I'd hoped. While her edema is better, the meds aren't affecting the pressure, which means something else is going on. According to the vet, it's a common generic symptom in dogs, kind of like a low-grade fever, so they drew blood and urine to test. She's going to call me tomorrow to let me know if they found anything. Fingers crossed it's as simple as a minor infection they can treat with antibiotics.

I was off to the game store after that, to pick up games from another ding and dent sale as well as Christmas gifts. Got home an hour later only to run Craig out to the dealership to pick up his car from getting serviced.

I was home a grand total of two hours this afternoon before we had to head down to the school for the band uniform walk-thru and our Booster meeting. I got home from that at 9:30, starving since all I'd had to eat all day was a little bit of celery with guacamole and a boiled egg. I never got around to most of the paperwork I had to do, I didn't have time to cook dinner, and I owe people messages who reached out to me.

And to top it all off, today was the first day of Aunt Flo's monthly visit.

Time for bed. My brain isn't working anymore. :P
btvs - william naughty: dtissa

Hey, two days in a row!

I need more hours in my day. :P

Today was jam-packed. I had to take my car in for servicing, so that was two different trips out. On the first, I made Craig help me do all my errands so we would only be out for an hour instead of the two if I'd had to do it on my own. At least it cost less than $50 for my car. That's always a bonus.

I managed to get my drabble posted over at camelot_drabble today, too. I need to stop writing bits that can be the intro to longer stories that intrigue me. This was a simple thing about Merlin and Percival going out on their first date, but the possibilities there for a sweet, mildly angsty modern romance make my heart twinge. I can't do it, though. I've got two other WIPs I need to work on as well as a Spuffy story. Not to mention all the original work I'd like to get back to one of these days.

Tomorrow is going to be even worse. I have to take our dog to the vet for a follow-up appointment from last week for her eyes. Hopefully, the meds have been doing the job. Then I have to get ready for the band boosters meeting in the evening by cleaning up the minutes and getting the copies made before heading to the school ninety minutes before the meeting starts for the marching band uniform checks. I have a ton of paperwork to do for some upcoming stories as well as need to update my website with my latest re-release this past weekend. And somewhere in all that I have more errands to take care of, dinner to cook, and calls to make. (Our library is looking for volunteers for their Books for the Homebound program. I don't really need another responsibility, but seriously, how can I say no to an hour or two of my week getting books to people who otherwise wouldn't have them?)
merlin - arthur basking: universaldogma

Catching up

Well, crap. It's September already. How on earth did that happen?

First up for Merlin peeps...sign-ups opened today for merlin_holidays. Unlike previous years, there is no cap on the number of people who can sign up for it, AND you have a whole week to actually sign up. I already did mine. I've done it for the last couple years and loved every second of it (my Mergana story from last year, Black Doves, still haunts me; I really should write a follow-up some time).

We had a quiet Labor Day weekend. My big project was for me and Alex. We organized all of our board games and created a spreadsheet to inventory them. Then I ended up going out and buying a few more today, lol. Oops. The final number was bigger than I expected. 117. And that's not each game individually. We rolled extension packs into the main game when we play with them altogether. I don't want to think about what that number would be with those pulled out, lol. But the spreadsheet allows us to filter by number of players and time to play, which will help when we're trying to figure out what to play. And for those times when nobody can decide on a game, we added a random function. Yes, we're a couple of geeks. And loved every second of it. :)

Our exchange student is adjusting well. She made the tennis team and has had either a match or practice after school every day. I barely see her during the week, lol. She's starting to adjust to the amount of homework, too, though she frets over her grades not being perfect. She's got 5 As and 2 Bs (her 8th class is as a TA), and the Bs bother her. She's not used to them. But they're in calculus and American History, so I'm trying to reassure her that they're great considering she's having to learn American math processes and has had no exposure to a lot of the historical facts most American kids take for granted. She's not really listening to me. I guess that makes her a typical teenager, lol.

For the first time, Alex's grades have higher letter values than Alicia. He's got straight As, with 3 A+s so far, while Alicia has a B in her AP Calculus course. It's weighted more heavily than a straight class so it balances out to be the same, but I stressed to Alex how proud I am of him. I always suspected he'd thrive when he got to high school--he's blowing his math and engineering courses out of the water, those are his A+ grades. It's nice to know I was right. :)

He's also joined the color guard (the flag corps that performs with the marching band). He didn't have room to keep band in his schedule, and he said it sounded like fun. I'm a little chuffed he stepped outside his comfort zone, and he claims to be really enjoying it. I think he loves being the most flexible one in the group. All the girls are jealous of how limber he is. And at least he's not the only boy, though there are only two in the squad.

Meanwhile, Alicia is killing it. She's busy as hell--Homecoming is in under two weeks and she's uber busy helping her class plan and get ready for it--which unfortunately means she's coming increasingly familiar with the fact that a lot of people just don't have her work ethic. Or her best friend's, for that matter. They're having to cover the work for others who aren't pulling their weight, and it frustrates them.'s far too late, so I should probably sign off. I'm going to try and be better about updating. Even if it's only a little thing.